I believe a full life is a palate thick with the many colors of mountain trekking survival challenges, the sweet ease of serenity and the vibrant summer greens serenaded by breezy synchronicity. Life’s not merely measured by the happy go lucky days when the sun is shining and our heart’s singing, but more accurately the rich texture and thickness of a mixed palate.
So why is it that we often canvas and judge our lives on the days we’re feeling surrounded by bleakness, knowing that the very nature of the dark is an inability to see clearly? Why would measure anything according to a half view, instead of an accurate view? Yet, often we do.
To be a true badass means refusing to settle for a storyline that appears to be the final word, and exchanging it for a rewrite. It’s mingling the sweet and the sour, while holding up a rich bodied wine that exemplifies a full-bodied life.
Having navigated and still navigating my way through a season of loss on many levels over the last several years, learning to care for myself as I never have before, establishing important and thoughtful boundaries for my wellbeing and saying, ‘yes’ to feeling all of the difficult feelings that have been tucked and stowed has been one of the bravest and kindest things I have done for myself. I have come to understand that if I deny or numb the difficult stuff, the vibrancy and color of joy will also be numbed.
Investing In Oneself Means Investing In the Inside
This journey has taken me into the midst of difficult conversations, where I have found myself exuberant around the reality that I am truly caring for myself despite how others might view me. I see a similar journey in the lives of many of the women I work with or encounter.
The noble idea of being the ‘selfless hero’ that we as women often find themselves buried under, picking up the pieces for everyone around, destroys us from the inside out. And so it’s only natural that reclaiming the pieces of ourselves we’ve abdicated or given away is also remedied from the inside out.
The very things women often look for others to give them, wanting to be heard, seen, valued, cherished and cared for, will never become a reality, until we listen to ourselves, see what our heart is retreating from, or lashing out to obtain. All validation, cherishing and true nurture begins within. We can’t afford to allow ourselves to be bullied out of self-care, by our own doing or another’s. Everyone one of us pays a price when we do.
What About Those Hard Conversations Others Will Not Participate In?
For those hard conversations that will never be embarked on, because others aren’t willing to show up, I have learned that letting go of holding up the dead horse and putting it out of its misery, is the kindest thing I can do for myself. That doesn’t mean when we don’t hear what we want to hear, or are unable to hear it as it is spoken, but when there is simply no pulse left in relationship and an unwillingness to show up. If both parties aren’t willing to show up, we aren’t really in a relationship.
Ultimately, the richness of life is not measured by the amount of the sparkly or dark days we encounter, but how we choose to face them. A real badass is someone who refuses to settle and who learns that to love others begins by loving ourself first.
My Kind of Badassery includes, but is not limited to:
· Choosing the discomfort of having hard conversations, even after avoiding them for….
· Choosing to set protective boundaries around what is and isn’t okay for me.
· Choosing to love myself on good days and bad days and when I forget getting up and doing it again.
· Choosing to stay out of self-judgment and giving myself the benefit of the doubt that I have often offered others. When I fail, circling back around in self-kindness.
· Choosing to stand up in my personal authority and integrity without abdicating it to someone else.
· Choosing to be seen as a bitch and reframing what that means to me, instead of striving to be accepted by another whose values are not in alignment with my personal wellbeing.
· Choosing to let love begin with and in myself.
How are you reclaiming your badassery? How does your list read?
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