When I’ve played to the crowd (you know, those times when we poll everyone else and avoid listening for our own answers) suddenly I feel anxious and overwhelmed. My peace dissipates, my body tenses and I wonder what happened.
Often the women I work with struggle with owning their own voice, desires and strength. They have spent a lifetime abdicating them, so taking the reins of their own life is foreign. Often they’ve grown up in or subjected themselves to cultural mindsets that have instilled abdicating their will.
No one wants to think of himself or herself as a victim, but honestly when we don’t take responsibility for our own choices and instead blame others; we are living from a victim stance. I’d like to say that I never do this, but I do. And so do you!
The Energy Leadership Index, a scientific assessment that measures one’s consciousness levels determined that most people live from catabolic energy, the lowest energy levels related to victimhood and angry aggressive blaming postures.
Remember the last time you didn’t want to do something, but you couldn’t be honest about it? Remember how you huffed and puffed and resented the person(s) you thought was making you do the thing you didn’t want to do? Guess what? You were the person betraying yourself. You were the person that refused to stand up and say, “This is what I want and this is what I need for myself!”
The Good Bitch
It's hard to hear and even harder to take personal responsibility. Most women struggle with the idea of appearing harsh, being considered a ‘Bitch’ or being rude. Have you noticed that most men generally don’t have a problem with being thought ill of?
We often think that the people that do this well are harsh, or unkind, when in fact they merely have strong personal boundaries. They are taking responsibility for their life.
It's a simple choice. We can attempt to please everyone else (impossible) while betraying ourselves and making ourselves sick, or we can grow a pair and honestly take care of what needs to be in place for our wellbeing. This means staying out of other’s business and letting others deal with their own choices, victimhood, judgments toward us, or blaming fest. This is not selfishness. This is personal ownership.
Believe me I know that for most of us this is a challenge, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a worthy challenge. I deal with this and so do all of the women I coach.
Society has dealt out a double standard. Men who are strong are looked up to, while women who are strong are considered, a jezebel, a bitch, or simply, mean. Isn’t it time we stopped making ourselves sick for the sake of opinion?
Self-Hospitality and Permission Giving
In my personal life and in my work as a life coach, I have come to recognize as a core issue of many problems, the lack of self-permission giving and self-hospitality. We need to learn how to activate self-care through personal hospitality where we make ourselves a welcomed presence, rather than cutting ourselves off on the inside through duty and obligation.
A life of duty and obligation is stifling and kills us on the inside bit by bit. Yet, most women have learned to call this normal and usually don’t even recognize that this is their mode of operation.
The women that do recognize that something is askew often have no idea how to love and welcome their true self back home. They have no idea how to find their own inner congruence.
The next time you are tempted to play to the crowd:
- Get curious about what is going on within you
- Inquire and welcome your true feelings
- Make the courageous choice to stand up for yourself on the inside, rather than abdicating, betraying and living incongruently with your spirit and soul.
To truly be free, we must be free of other's judgments and opinions about how we should live.
“Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it and a lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.” Woolf
Join us for, The Untamed Creative Retreat, where you will enter into wide-open self-permission giving, hospitality, creative unsticking, loads of welcome, love and fun. Get your creative on and invest in yourself. Invest in the self-care you need. You're the only one who can. Hurry to register. Space is limited. Find out more here!