Do you ever feel inconsistent like a bouncy ball bouncing all over the place? Feel like a fake, what you thought ten years ago, last week, or this week you suddenly see in a different light? Are you more confused and less certain about everything the older you get? Then take comfort in the words of Walt Whitman,
“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes.”
I want to tell those holding firmly to their rules, their opinions about life and themselves that someday mystery will overtake them and they’ll find themselves in a curious redesign process. Suddenly they'll have loosened their reigns, resigned their tight grip of control, begun to accept the once unacceptable, let go of neatly outlined definitions, start repainting black and white and challenging just about everything they’ve thought.
Thomas Merton said, “In order to become myself I must cease to be what I always though I wanted to be, and in order to find myself I must go out of myself, and in order to live I have to die. The reason for this is that I am born in selfishness and therefore my natural efforts to make myself more real and more myself make me less real and less myself, because they revolve around a lie.”
Maybe some never do let go, but grip life even harder in attempts to make it behave. Some don’t bend and shift and change, but embrace their nearsightedness to their last breath.
We’ve all heard bitter words cast upon an up and coming generation, but what if instead we choose to:
- Redesign and redefine life, embracing its many transitions?
- Stop letting groupthink, the relatives, neighbors or parishioners define us?
- Bless those we don’t understand instead of judging and cursing them (including ourselves?)
We don’t have to have it all figured out. We get to define and be redesigned many times over in life. If it hasn’t happened yet, just wait it will. Life is a constantly winding journey.
Are you a poser? Good question. I have found parts of me betraying myself at many a time, parts I never even understood. Parts that in the right moment surfaced like a bobber on the water. Did I turn further on myself in the realization? No, it was the greatest opportunity and invitation to suspend judgment and nurture myself through the confusion, to discover more in the unraveling and to continue to expand and grow. In my mind those willing to do that are anything but posing. They are investing in uncovering the truth within.
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