Sometimes it's hard to sit out, while the other kids look like they're having a blast on the playground. Sometimes it's hard to give ourselves the rest or reconfiguring that we need, but truly we are the only ones who can.
I've spent some long seasons of rest where there simply was no grace to push and strive and make things happen. I had dents in my forehead to prove the futility of pushing against the wall. After a while I learned to flow with the river and to let things happen organically. This really drove the strong willed, 'take action' types crazy!
I could hear the voices saying, "Just get up and do it!" But my heart knew the utter betrayal it would have produced, because there was another kind of work that needed to be done. It was stilling myself to listen. The work was below the surface, hidden from sight, but I knew it none the less.
This is the work that most of us avoid for as long as possible. We might not know that we are avoiding it, until you get called up to sit! Although I kicked and screamed and threw tantrums, because I couldn't get out on the playground of seeming "importance" this gift that I didn't understand for a long time was truly one of the best gifts I've ever received.
It brought me to discoveries I would not have uncovered otherwise. It brought me to a kind of ease and rest and grace and peace that I had not encountered to this degree, previously. It realigned so many things and brought me to a rumble with identity. Masks, gold metals and even gold stars that we like to wave around and plaster on ourselves began to fall off. It brought me to the reckoning of the beauty I possess without adding one outside voice of praise or commendation to validate me.
When all of the folks that didn't know how to stay, couldn't handle the vulnerability of looking themselves in the mirror faded away, I found within myself an undeniable fully adored identity, apart from anything I will ever do.
So if you get called up to sit awhile, remember you must crawl before you can walk and you must surely walk before you can run. Give yourself the gift of being loved-on-complete, in your solitude, because when the time is right, you will not only run, you will fly. You will have a clear voice and it will be seasoned with love.
The piece above is: First You Crawl for Day 9 of 30 Paintings In 30 Days. www.30paintingsin30days.weebly.com
You have to crawl before you can walk.