Recovering the Songbird

1376467_614197425297496_634544606_nAnne Lamott quoted her pastor in a Face Book post saying,

"It's not what you look at; it's what you look with."

Sometimes what we see at first glance is not what actually exists, but a misrepresentation. Through time we often discover and recover the depth of what is actually there.

Years ago a prophetic sort of fellow said to me that I had the ability to get the songbird up and singing again. I had the ability to mine the gold out of misfortune. Interestingly, all those many years ago, I had no idea that I would be the songbird that needed to reconnect to her song after 3 ½ years of silence and an inability to sing.

I’m not talking about technique, vocal prowess or the ins and outs of song writing. Although that is great stuff, I am talking about the truth that resonated with my heart spoken at the Nashville Tree House Songwriter’s Retreat by my friend Paulette Wooten. She spoke about the necessity of using the gifts we’ve been given. She reminded us that if we had a song we needed to sing it. We needed to sing it for ourselves.

That’s what I had always done, until I couldn’t anymore.

I started singing and writing at the age of twelve. I sang happy and I sang empty, but I always sang. 

A singer/songwriter retreat might have been something I would have eagerly done years ago when my singing and song writing was in full throttle; when I was in the thick of pursuing an acting career; landed the job as the opening act for Buzzy Linhart; or in a band being produced by Runaways producer Kim Fowley; performing in a musical, comedy improve troop; recording my Cd; or singing in my faith community; but this period of musical-shutdown was anything but my comfort zone.

Following this year’s discovery of incongruence within my heart; the pieces that had been at odds; the settling for less than what my heart knew was right; the dogma I could no longer tolerate; trying to shoe horn myself into what I had outgrown; owning the conflict and self-betrayal; unashamedly voicing my story, finally led me to recovering the songbird within myself.

guitar

Driving through Nashville the street sign ‘Song Bird’ popped out at me like a lightening flash on a stormy night. Then driving home after the sanctuary of the retreat, I popped in my Cd with Fleetwood Mac cuts and the words of Stevie Nick’s, Edge of Seventeen, hit me in the gut as if I'd heard it for the first time.

“Just like the white winged dove

Sings a song

Sounds like she's singin”

I paused in disbelief having the same ring tone on my phone but never recognizing the words I sang along to. I listened further to hear the words expressing my journey. Here are some of them.

“Well, he seemed broken hearted

Somethin' within him

 

Well, the music there

Well it was hauntingly familiar

When I see you doin'

What I try to do for me

With their words of a poet

And a voice from a choir

And a melody

Nothin' else mattered

 

Well then suddenly

There was no one left standing

 

In a flood of tears

That no one really ever heard fall at all

When I went searchin' for an answer

Up the stairs and down the hall

Not to find an answer

Just to hear the call

Of a nightbird singin'

(Come away)

(Come away)

 

Well, I hear you

In the morning

And I hear you

At nightfall

Sometime to be near you

Is to be unable to hear you

My love”

 

We all have a song, but if it gets trampled it will cease to sing. Singing and seeing begin with the heart. Tend your heart and all else will follow.