I don’t always like being a big feeler and most people probably wouldn’t imagine that I am. I learned very early how to shut my feelings down and I learned it well. In Western culture shutting down our inner world to turn on the hustle is the acceptable norm over experiencing all the feelings. There’s a big difference between truly sitting with deep emotions and plastering on ‘happy’ to distract ourselves from our pain. Guess what? I’m not a proponent of counterfeit happiness.
The world craves happiness. It’s the hookup we want on demand, but joy, true abundance and happiness is an inside job. Here’s the rub: if we aren’t willing to process through our difficult emotions it’s unlikely we’ll ever land on true joy.
The thing is, the hard stuff isn’t easy to sit with much less process through. It’s why most are so shut down and never get past the layers of coping mechanisms we’ve contrived and think are our personality. Ever hear someone say, “That’s just they way I am?” It’s more likely the way we’ve learned to maneuver through life. Heck, most of us aren’t even aware that we aren’t actually our personality. Our true essence exists outside of ego and personality.
Coming Out of the Stupor
Often women in my coaching groups show up with glazed eyes. It takes time for the incongruence to sink in and for reconnection to begin to happen. It did for me, too.
Many of us learned to live from a mode of operation that is our normal, although not our truest self. We’re often highly skilled at metaphorically lifting our skirts in a zillion different ways to please others and avoid the shame of feeling that we’re not enough. And with that skill is a keen sense of sniffing out and submitting to environments and relationships that encourage high wire exploits. It’s amazing the way many women have excelled at trapeze arts or in other terms, Co-dependency!
Honestly, it breaks my heart to witness the extent that we’ve learned to hustle without knowing we’ve abandoned ourselves in the process. We don’t know that there’s freedom and joy we’ve never encountered through reconnecting to ourselves. And we’re usually unaware of the hidden genius we possess. When things crack open and the pain of hustling can’t be ignored any longer, we start to wake up and stop striving to become something more than we already are. We recognize that beyond all the good-girl-high-stepping, the person we need to love the most is ourselves.
With that revelation we can begin to nurture ourselves in a way that only we can. We learn to embrace the ease of loving and being ourselves, because true identity is living in the reality of being and not striving to become something.
Years ago when I began the journey of returning home to myself, it was like bushwhacking through the jungle until I forged a clear path. It takes intention, commitment, practice and usually a good guide to help navigate the path of reconnecting with one’s truest self. And sadly, it often takes a crisis for many to even begin an inner journey. I hope that’s not the case with you, but let me ask you:
· How practiced are you at bringing awareness and attention to your emotions?
· Do you live as if your mind, body and spirit are disconnected from each other?
This often shows up as repressed emotion coming out sideways through strange health issues, weight issues, fatigue or unexplained emotional issues demanding to be heard? (This is not to say that these things can’t caused by other issues, too.)
· How much time do you devote to listening and identifying what’s going on in your heart and body, verses being stuck in your head? Emotions are messengers and have important information. They aren’t going to swallow us whole, although it can feel that way. We get to direct them.
· Do you spend most of your days dwelling on the past or anticipating the future, but little time truly experiencing the present moment?
Joy isn’t in the past or the future and can only be experienced in the present, so if your lacking joy in your life you might be absent from the present and employing all manner of techniques to distract yourself from feeling your emotions.
If you want support reconnecting to yourself, contact me http://kimberbritner.com/connect/ for a free 30 minute Discovery Session via phone to discover if your ready for support through coaching .
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