Debunking Cool

Debunk CoolDuring the mornings radio program I do with life coach Nicole Greer entitled, A Little Bit Vibrant and A Little Bit Moxie discussing the trap of perfectionism, I shared about an experience I had when I belonged to a support group for widows that ranged in age from a woman in her eighties to me, the youngest, in my mid thirties. This lively, engaging group supported one another in re-configuring life amidst widowhood.


Robin Hood had his band of mighty men, and I had a band of widows that helped me rediscover my passion and gusto for life. With one foul swoop all of my neatly ordered ducks had fallen out of a row and any idea of a magazine ready life had ended up on its backside.


This precious band of warriors met regularly for lunch and once attended a Friday night party at an Arthur Murray Dance Studio. The way these parties worked was that while guest we’re drinking the liberally poured champagne, dance instructors moseyed around the room with an invitation for a spin on the dance floor in hopes of enticing us into dance lessons.As each dashing instructor took the hand of an unsuspecting assailant giggles combusted. With a hand to the hip and a tug to pull each fledgling dancer closer into an instructor’s chest, bashful excitement erupted.


Not one gloomy wildflower sat off to the side, as this ruckus band of rosy-cheeked widows laughed and spun the night away. Little attention was given to Downton Abbey propriety as each of us was swept into the exuberance of the gut splitting time of our lives.


Retelling this story during the radio broadcast awakened a spark of remembrance that had my insides twirling and my cool factor disarmed. There’s a beautiful synchronicity that occurs when we welcome our vulnerability, rather than our feeble attempts to avoid its presence.


Letting Go go of the Secrecy Code

Although much of the effort given to the cool factor of perfectionism is manifested on the outside in attempts to “look good”, its really an attempt to cover over the “not enough” feelings that nag at us on the inside. Changing this tendency can’t be reversed merely by rules, or behavior modification, but requires a willingness to be seen as we truly are and a deeper internal rewiring and transformation. Openness to speak about your story and let go of secrecy is an important step in practicing authenticity and vulnerability.


When those fear driven scarcity feelings cause us to armor up through performance, perfectionism, and striving, the greatest thing we can do for ourselves is let go, laugh at our need to be cool, (remember a funny personal story to break the intensity, like my toilet paper story that I talk about in my book, Untamed Heart  ;-) ,  show self-compassion and joyfully practice gratitude and authenticity.


In waving good-bye to perfectionism, we’re accepting the invitation to show up to life, get out on the dance floor and live in all of our messy exuberance, which is by far a superior reality than a half lived life.


Join us for The Daring Way™ Retreat May 2nd and 3rd and celebrate your messiness and willingness to show up, practice being bold and being seen. Register today, space is limited. For information find us at: