I Suck at Asking for Help!


Recently I gave myself the assignment to practice asking for help. Because of my early conditioning, parental inversion, being the "mini grownup" with a knack for earning love and approval by not “needing” or “making demands,” I have an ugly little built-in reflex that causes me to do just about anything to avoid asking for help.

I’ve always had the strong and admirable ability appearance of managing to propel myself forward with tenacity and persistence, sucking it up dutifully and pridefully instead of asking for help. Ugh!

It’s funny how gifts can arrive in unusual packages. After several years of transitions causing me to feel marooned on an island of lonesome, the discomfort of isolation has grown to the same level as my discomfort of asking for help. Instead of defaulting to the coping method of trying to make it on my own, suddenly I’m willing to face the risk to move beyond my current barrier for the reward of support, collaboration and friendship. Although I still breakout in a sweat as the words spill out of my mouth, I’m learning to ask for help! 

I started by reaching out to some old friends for love and support. This has given me a bit of success to stay in the game. Now the scary part-asking you for help! 

Through my coaching work with women I've come to understand that few of us are really good at asking for help, so I am sticking with the process and sticking my neck out here. I'm expanding this personal assignment into a practicum for the Higher Ground Leadership® Credential Program, created by leadership trainer, Lance Secretan that am I taking part in.

My practicum entitled: 30 Days of Authentic Creative Expression will consist of art journaling for 30 days with the possibility of a few videos thrown in too. For thirty days I will focus on the CASTLE® Principles, made up of the values that create the acronym for CASTLE: Courage, Authenticity, Service, Truthfulness, Love and Effectiveness. From that space, I will daily draw a card from the Spirit@Work® Cards, a 77 card deck of values and daily art journal about what the word, principle and description means to me in the moment. Then I will share it with you on my Facebook biz page, so be sure to follow along at www.facebook.com/kimberbritnerbiz. Not only am I excited about collaborating with others on this project and into 2014, but also further expanding my 2013 theme of inner congruence and inner work. This past year has been a huge year of growth and I am grateful that I've taken time for inner work instead of merely focusing on outer goals.

This is where I ask for your help! I would love your help spreading the word, asking others you know on Social Media to join the fun, as well as your own daily engagement, input and support. In fact, you might want to follow along journaling on your own in some way. Share your discoveries and your big wins, as I share mine. The point of creating this particular exercise as a practicum for myself is that I want to extend the bridge of engagement, friendship, collaboration and support, as I practice asking for help! I want to expand my capacity in this area through this project and in the New Year. How about you? Would you like to expand along with me?


If you would like to join in to lend your moral support, cheer or participate, and receive feedback on where you are too, please follow along and comment on my daily Facebook and art journaling posts at: www.facebook.com/kimberbritnerbiz!  

If you would like to dive in deeper, add the Spirit@Work®  app to your phone for only 99 cents. Simply search for Lance Secretan, Spirit@Work® Cards App and you can incorporate a bit more inspiration and value reflection into your daily life. Just so you know, I get no residual for promoting this App.

For those who truly jump on board as a cheerleader, or journaling participant, there will be prizes and surprises awarded to the most active participants! (Yes, I’m resorting to incentives and bribery in asking for help! :)

Thanks for playing along and thanks for your support! Get ready for January 1st start date with pencil and paper, journal and paint, or merely your own perfect presence! Let's celebrate creativity, the value of our inner wealth, playing full out in 2014 and the power of supportive community!  I look forward to seeing you on Facebook as I begin 30 Days of Authentic Creative Expression beginning January 1st!



How To Make What You Don't Know Work For You

IMG_1888I confess I am a repeat offender when it comes to misuse of verbiage. I’m one that causes the grammar police to cringe reading my posts on Facebook. Does that stop me? Heck no!

Years ago dining with a pastor and group of his friends I casually threw out the word Gonad! Can you believe it? Yes I did! Suddenly silence rolled over the group of alarmed parishioners. Of course when I got home my husband explained that the slang I used to reference an idiotic person technically was defining male anatomy rarely mentioned in church!

Another time I spoke of my shoe fetish and was informed by yet another pastor/friend that the word fetish was not relevant to shoes, because it referred to sorcery and sexual fixations.

You’d think those two encounters alone would have stopped me in my tracks and sparked an immediate case of laryngitis, but boldly I continue to speak and write. The truth is you just don’t know what you don’t know!

In the same manner I regularly grab my spot in the front of my Zumba class so I have a good view and can attempt to copy every move the instructor makes. I learn by getting in the thick of things, so I’ve never considered standing in the back of the room where others might prefer to hangout.

The truth is many people are waiting for permission. Permission to act, to think differently and to challenge what might not be working in their lives. I’ve been that person waiting for permission, waving the “good girl” flag looking for validation until I realized I was missing out on a whole lot of life.

I’ve heard it said, “Its easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.”

I’ve determined the best way to make what you don’t know work for you is to:

  • Give yourself permission to step out of your comfort zone. You can always ask for forgiveness later!
  • Don’t be afraid to challenge what you think, or what you think you think!
  • Step out even though you might make a mistake. It will give you something to laugh about later!
  • Realize you will learn a lot about life and yourself when you do.
  • Don’t worry if you’re politically correct. Define how you want to play the game of life.

Stepping Into the Unknown

Kimberism: "The future is always beginning now."  Mark Strand The only way to truly live and grow in my estimation is to take risks, yet taking risks requires a great amount of faith and moxie. During seasons when we step out of the boat onto the waters of the unknown its easy to crave the security and comfort of the past. Risk taking is a process and with it comes varied emotions.

However, I have discovered that its necessary to let go of the security of the past to embrace the unfamiliar, wild and woolly taunts of the future. Although the future may at times seem harrowing, it holds unforeseen possibilities. If we keep looking over our shoulder at what was, we will miss what lies ahead.

Part of letting go for me comes through creative exercises, staying in the now, exercising faith and being honest about what I am letting go of. I need to be honest about my feelings of lack, having yet reached the promise of whats ahead. Acknowledging and letting go allow me to begin to hope and see into my unseen future. Below I've let you in on some of my "letting go" process that allows me to embrace what is new. Now take a minute to acknowledge and let go yourself.

I acknowledge what I crave and let go to embrace the future:

I crave popping over to snuggle up on a welcoming sofa, drinking hot tea and walking each other through life. I crave girl friend chatter, the kind that says you’re safe no matter what you're going through.

I crave dinners out, ruckus laughter, movies, surprise gifts, soul exposure, mani-pedis, shopping, closet cleaning, deep conversation, inspirational and creative ventures, fun partnerships, savvy women wearing big girl panties some days and childlike authenticity the next, supportive prayer and the occasional tear stained cheeks met with the comfort of hand-holding-support. I crave longevity, where no one quits or walks away.

I crave the feeling of home, no ploys for positioning, no one pushing his or her agenda. I crave siting out on the patio, noshing on great food and conversation. I crave lost and new friendship.

I let go of what was to embrace all that is yet to be. I embrace newness as a welcomed friend. I plant my feet into today and say thank you to yesterday. I embrace the journey and the adventure of the here and now!

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