We Are Family

 

ID-100169645

Family is important to me. And although I adore my Brady Bunch family, it wasn't until several years ago that my life coach pointed out that family is actually the way I see that world and want to do business, reflected primarily through 1. Relationship 2. The atmosphere or environment of being social, such as a party! The truth be told, my best memories growing up were of the holidays spent in merriment and cheer with the large extended family and of every holiday party I got invited to! I am at my best within family and I believe it's meant to be that way.

 

Now living in a city built around the corporate structure of banking, you might not think this model for business and life is a good fit. I however, am thrilled with the prospects of what this perspective means. I am thrilled with what this perspective has done in my own life, as my vision continues to grow around community and family, not merely what I can create that might be obsolete in short order, but what a group of people (women my sweet spot) could do to change a city and the world. You see that’s what I believe family has the potential to do. You can see my manifesto about this here.

 

Family, the Good, Bad and Ugly

Family means a lot of different things to a lot of people. Those who have been hurt by it often want nothing to do with it. I have certainly lived in this reality concerning the instability in my family of origin, but I recognized that ‘s not the whole story. Family is so much more than one snapshot or necesssarily relatives for that matter.

 

Although like many folks, some of my experiences pertaining to family, have at times left me scattered, frayed and with a defensive posture to avoid being sucked back into a toxic whirlwind, whether through my original family or the family culture of “church” that I have been associated with for thirty years. I am however grateful for the enduring qualities and example of family, relationship and love that swallows up the negative. There is an opportunity we each have to be a part of the solution and not the problem. I saw this modeled profoundly through my Grandfather, the normalcy and consistency in my life.

 

It’s interesting that our values are often forged as a solution to a very real challenge we ourselves have encountered, thus, my coming to recognize that my struggle with family showed me that I was made for family. We were all made for family.

 

We Were Made For Family

Although we exist within them, we were not made for corporate structures. We were made for family. We were made for relationship. And because we are valued and truly defined as those who are fully loved and accepted, we can live beyond our structures into something bigger, more satisfying, namely the beauty of relationship.

 

Remember the 1970 Stephen Stills song, Love the One Your With? Family is about recognizing and loving those around you, where you are. There are a lot of things that keep us from living in this way, especially the whiplash of previous failed attempts that have us looking over our shoulder, tentative, afraid and isolated, the very thing that keeps us separated.

 

However, when we realize that there is actually no separation from the One who made us, the Source of love, who is not somewhere off in the sky, but within us, all hurt and disappointment gets swallowed up by the expansiveness existing within this Love. Really, where can we go and be outside of this Love except in our mind? We are not far off; we’re swallowed up in love.

 ID-10084012

When we awaken to this reality it makes it easy to love right where we are. We can love the one we’re with!

 

When we understand any shortsightedness or misstep of love does not define us, we can awaken to the reality that we are a part of a big family (like it or not) and we are wildly and lavishly loved! Recognizing this creates a celebratory atmosphere where we want to live in shared merriment and joy. Welcome to the party! We are family!

Photo credit: freedigitalphotos.com

Are You Chained By Your Thoughts?

 

Chained1

It's easy to look around and think something outside ourselves is the cause of our struggle or issues in life. I certainly have and still do at times. But when we begin to recognize our outer struggles are related to an inside perspective, things begin to shift.

 

We might think our lack of income, provision, health, or relational issues are the cause of what’s stopping us. We might be tempted to measure our reality by our surroundings, not recognizing that reality is not a fixed dimension, but an interpretation.

 

Hopefully our awareness and paradigms will continually expand and we will out grow the limitations we’ve previously perceived. (I continue to discover thoughts and perceptions that I didn’t know I had and regularly make the choice to reframe the way I see life and I hope you do to.)

 

It’s when our thinking is entrenched (actually stuck in a groove) that we’ve chained ourselves to an idea that becomes a law that rules over us. A belief only has power to master us if we believe it is the law, or authoritative rule. When we move out of a legal relationship to it, we immediately open ourselves up to experience a profound shift.

How To Get Unchained

Suppose we recognize an area where we're stuck and even identify the thought or emotion that has been hindering us, how do we get unchained? Do we strain and try harder to think differently? No, trying harder actually tightens the grip of the negative or old way of seeing things.

 

When we stop focusing on the negative the negative stops being attached to us. When we open ourselves up to other possibilities we actually release ourselves from the entrenched thought or way of seeing and effortlessly begin to experience an exchange. When we release something there is actually a shift in our brain that allows us to perceive an alternative perspective.

 

Something only remains attached to us when instead of living in the expansiveness of love and the openness of liberty; we are living from the fear driven reality of a legal exchange. What do I mean by this? Notice the way doubt driven thinking measures things out in tit for tat, such as, “If do this, I am owed this” or “If I am not enough of this, this will be the result.” We all have some legal, punishment driven perspectives that hinder us until we awaken to a greater reality, beyond payment for a good performance and punishment for a perceived inadequate performance.

 

Many people never live beyond a legal, law, head relationship to life, as they process the world linearly, even reducing God to a rule keeper that keeps us disempowered and our hands tied, rather than owning the bad rap we may have attached to God instead live in the expansiveness, liberty and freedom intended for us. This is a big one!

 

A clue to recognize this perspective within yourself is to notice when you feel shame, “shoulding,” “not-enoughing,” feelings of powerlessness and victimization or internal or external judgment. These are signs that a legal perspective is hiding somewhere. (I just exchanged a legal perspective that was disempowering me for a dandy upgrade in my perspective this week!) When we get out of our head and move beyond dividing things up from a perceived knowledge of "good and evil" and awaken to true liberty, transformation takes place.

Far too smart1

Willpower Is a Dud!

Living under the "law" is the same as willpower. It only works for a while, but can't carry you very far for the long haul. Fitness experts understand that lasting change requires a change and expansion in thinking and lifestyle. Self-help and trying harder will never lead to true transformation. Transformation happens on an entirely different plane. Even grasping this concept on a cognitive level doesn’t bring about transformation.

 

Transformation happens as we experience an exchange from a legal entity lens into the law of perfect liberty, which transcends intellect. This is the realm of love and faith, a reality beyond time and space or quantifiable dimensions.

 

It’s easy to focus on the negative because it's the lowest form of reality, but living in the negative (place of lack) and seeing the negative keeps us bound to the letter of the law rather than to life and liberty, which in my faith belief is Christ within me.

 

Science informs us that we can actually see the exchange take place in the brain from negativity to possibility. When we are thinking negative, low level thoughts our brain looks like a scorched, barren tree. Conversely, when we are thinking expansive thoughts of love, joy, and peace, our brain looks like a flourishing, fruitful tree.

 

When we choose faith, love and hope we let go of linear, control-base thinking and move into wide-open spaciousness, beyond limitation. Are you living in the freedom of perfect liberty or merely living under the law? Want help getting unchained? If something resonates in your spirit, but you're struggling to process the words through the wall of entrenched thoughts and ideas, take a risk, take a leap into freedom and get support!

 

Join the Moxie Me Please! Coaching Group starting in Jan. 2015 and move into the expansiveness of possibility. Register today! Early bird pricing ends Dec. 10th. For information and to register click here!

 

 

Are You Leaning In?

Lean Into the Adventure 1As my husband and I plan to relocate back to Charlotte for his work, I’m reminded that change CAN be wonderful. It CAN be an adventure. It CAN be the start of something unexpected and it CAN be joyous, if we learn to lean into the bend instead of resist what comes. That's how I am choosing to experience this summer of change. It's called reframing. If you want to hear more about reframing, you can listen to this episode of A Little Bit Vibrant and A Little Bit Moxie Radio Show

 

I’ve had a hefty portion of moving and bending in my life, like I imagine many of you have. I remember the many times as a child I had to say goodbye to those I love to launch out to make new friends in a new city. Arriving in Boston for high school as a transplant from Atlanta, I quickly earned the nickname, Georgia Peach. Another move from Memphis to New York City taught me to navigate the cement and chain link playgrounds guarded by nuns who contemplated my Southern accent.

 

Oddly, moving was easier as a child, because children are generally open and willing to welcome you into their playground. However, as an adult, I'll be honest, when I've experience no reciprocal gesture, no welcome wagon or extended arm of friendship to join in the sandbox fun, I somehow still find hope always rises for a Pollyanna, and this Pollyanna is hopeful for the path ahead.

The Pros In Every Situation

  • Change can make us flexible and teach us to look for the good in every situation.
  • When faced with isolation, we can learn to lean into personal growth.
  • When faced with “You’re not welcome at our party,” we can learn to create our own.

 

Moving and change has its challenges, but when we remain open and willing to stick our neck out, try on new situations, groups, classes, churches and the like, we might discover wonderful surprises.  That’s what I'm counting on this time around, as I reconnect with old friends, uncover new adventures, and lean into the bend. 

 

The Keys of Reframing

During this transition I am implementing the coaching skill known as: Reframing. Here is how to reframe

  • Identify your current emotion and define that what you would rather experience instead. If angry, you might rather experience peace.
  • Recognize that there is always a decision to be made before change or action can occur.
  • To reframe means to actually place something in a new frame. Change your mind and change your thinking around a situation, experience, circumstance or perspective. Do a turn around in your thinking, what you believe and how you see.
  • Learn to release and surrender your old frame, story or reference point, so you can see and experience something new. It is a choice!

 

Our first new adventure just might be our poolside-short-term lease apartment reminiscent of my early twenties, enabling us time and access to look around the area for our permanent home with studio space where I can hold workshops. Here’s to a summer of new adventures.

What summer adventures will you be enjoying this summer?

Day 10-Transformation, 30 Days of Creative Expression

Day 10

I believe TRANSFORMATION begins with a change in perception. As perceptions change, the old way of viewing the world in an “either”, “or”, mindset, gives way to greater possibility and wholeness.

Inspiration is important, but TRANSFORMATION is even more powerful. If we're merely to stay in the reality that we currently exist, in a mindset that this is it, we fail to comprehend the vastness that exists beyond our mere rational understanding. TRANSFORMATION moves one into a new realm of awareness and experience beyond what can be seen with natural sight and understanding.

Richard Rohr wrote,

“We need to rediscover the Sic et Non approach in our politics and in our churches. Otherwise, I do not know what we are offering the world except violence, because angry conversation creates angry minds and angry hearts and eventually angry behavior. It seems to me that we have the possibility from our own Tradition of raising up the capacity for humane, dialogical, Sic et Non conversations—where I do not need to prove that you are wrong. I do not need to pretend that I am totally right. I can keep my mind and my heart open.

Dualistic people use knowledge, even religious knowledge, for the purposes of ego enhancement, shaming, and the control of others and themselves. Non-dual people use knowledge for the transformation of persons and structures, but most especially to change themselves and to see reality with a new eye and heart.”

Lance Secretan wrote for the TRANSFORMATION SPIRIT@WORK® Card, a tool he uses with corporate leadership,

“During the decades ahead, we will see spiritual transformations unfold that today can only be imagined….We are at the end of an old-story human paradigm that viewed power as something to be exploited, as a means to control, as a weapon with which to intimidate others. In this age of Consciousness, power is founded on an attitude of abundance; it is spiritual, not material or physical power, and it is a divine resource residing in, and available, to us all. It is just waiting to be nourished and shared. This is a power that we have not even been able to imagine before-and it is sacred.”

How would the idea of TRANSFORMATION preceded by a change of heart and perception move you out of your logical understanding into a deeper realm?

For further support with changing your perceptions and seeing differently order my book, Untamed Heart, Releasing Your Creative Genius now![product id="2047" sku=""]

Covered In Armor

ID-100159496Unchanging stance, feet sure and armor high describes “vulnerability armor.”  Brene’ Brown writes about this armor in her book, Daring Greatly, as something we use to shield ourselves from feeling vulnerable and exposed.

She goes on to describes what many of us have felt when we’ve vulnerably stepped out from our own armor and someone else’s protective covering turned into a weapon of “cruelty,” “cool” or “criticism” used to keep “vulnerability at a distance” and injure us for making them uncomfortable.

Brown says, “If we are the kind of people who “don’t do vulnerability,” there’s nothing that makes us feel more threatened and more incited to attack and shame people than to see someone daring greatly. Someone else’s daring provides an uncomfortable mirror that reflects back our own fears about showing up, creating, and letting ourselves be seen.”

I used to be a black and white thinker protected behind my armor. I used to be certain about everything I believed and thought. I guess you could say I was certain to be judgmental and opinionated!

Over the last few years, the way I think and see expands regularly. I am constantly confounded, glimpsing a more expansive reality than I ever imagined. My opinions (I still have them) are held loosely. My judgments are more often passed on to the man upstairs to handle. I have definitive values, beliefs and practices, but I choose to see them enlarge, rather than remain stagnant, closed off, or brittle like an old wineskin.Photo: freedigitalphotos 

I am comfortable with the fact that my perceptions and opinions may change from day to day. I am comfortable with the fact that I have previously written things I no longer agree with, or at least would communicate differently. I no longer need to live in an “either”, “or”, “good guy”, “bad guy” reality. I happily live in a more inclusive world of “and.”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to reduce life to my ability to comprehend it. In the grand scheme of things, it’s clear there’s little any of us fully comprehends. I find it liberating to let go of the armor and the misperceived weight on my shoulders, thinking I need to be managing, fixing or micro-managing the world. This lighter perspective keeps me open and growing in new ways. It keeps me out of dogma and rhetoric and in childlike, wide-eyed wonder and discovery. It keeps me living in the present willing to reveal my imperfections. 

With this frame of reference I clue into my intuition faster. When rhetoric and pontification begin to spout, my awareness quickly signals. I understand that I have a choice to engage in an inflexible argument or reserve energy for those open and desiring true relationship and authenticity.

What about you? Do you hide behind your dogma-armor? Do you find yourself staying open to discussion, discovery and valuing relationship above all, or are you entrenched and hell bent on winning the game point?

If you want to move into the world of expansive possibility and opportunity, choose to come out from behind your armor. Practice vulnerably. Experience life through the eyes and heart of a child. A good place to start is by reading Untamed Heart, Releasing Your Creative Genius. Order here now![product id="2047" sku=""]

Are You A Poser?

rockstar-games-baby-free-screensavers-188570Do you ever feel inconsistent like a bouncy ball bouncing all over the place? Feel like a fake, what you thought ten years ago, last week, or this week you suddenly see in a different light? Are you more confused and less certain about everything the older you get? Then take comfort in the words of Walt Whitman,

Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes.”

I want to tell those holding firmly to their rules, their opinions about life and themselves that someday mystery will overtake them and they’ll find themselves in a curious redesign process. Suddenly they'll have loosened their reigns, resigned their tight grip of control, begun to accept the once unacceptable, let go of neatly outlined definitions, start repainting black and white and challenging just about everything they’ve thought. 

Thomas Merton said, “In order to become myself I must cease to be what I always though I wanted to be, and in order to find myself I must go out of myself, and in order to live I have to die. The reason for this is that I am born in selfishness and therefore my natural efforts to make myself more real and more myself make me less real and less myself, because they revolve around a lie.

Maybe some never do let go, but grip life even harder in attempts to make it behave. Some don’t bend and shift and change, but embrace their nearsightedness to their last breath.

We’ve all heard bitter words cast upon an up and coming generation, but what if instead we choose to:

  • Redesign and redefine life, embracing its many transitions?
  • Stop letting groupthink, the relatives, neighbors or parishioners define us?
  • Bless those we don’t understand instead of judging and cursing them (including ourselves?)

We don’t have to have it all figured out. We get to define and be redesigned many times over in life. If it hasn’t happened yet, just wait it will. Life is a constantly winding journey.

Are you a poser? Good question. I have found parts of me betraying myself at many a time, parts I never even understood. Parts that in the right moment surfaced like a bobber on the water. Did I turn further on myself in the realization? No, it was the greatest opportunity and invitation to suspend judgment and  nurture myself through the confusion, to discover more in the unraveling and to continue to expand and grow. In my mind those willing to do that are anything but posing. They are investing in uncovering the truth within.

Are you giving yourself permission to change your mind, let go and embrace transition? For an easy, low investment to turbo charge your life with inspiration, move through transition with motivation and bring out your unique, authentic genius, order Untamed Heart, Releasing Your Creative Genius now! [product id="2047" sku=""]

Are You As Curious As George?

Kimberism: Curiosity is the beginning of discovery. One of my favorite books as a child was Curious George. I loved hearing about the misadventures George continuously got caught up in. Ah, to be curious like George? 

There is nothing duller than a self-satisfied person who has all the answers and little curiosity. I can’t help but think that life may mercifully throw a wrench in the path of those who need a little curiosity awakening.

Calculated maneuvering and manipulated strategies will never compare to the realm of hunger and curiosity that expands vision and spawns innovation. Like George, childlike wonder holds more possibilities than any amount of fixed interpretations.

What if you woke up one morning and supernaturally possessed the curiosity of a child. How different would your world be or the present situations you perceive as obstacles? What would be the first thing you might notice, maybe your average wardrobe suddenly becoming the doorway to another world, or your run-of-the-mill desk morphing into a pirate's ship, or your sudden layoff an opportunity for expansion.

We can shift our focus so that our imagination and curiosity gets stirred. Some of the things that cause me to take a second look and stimulate my childlike curiosity are:

  • A picnic before an ocean landscape
  • A self-assured teenager who stopped to show kindness to a homeless man
  • The way my husband took apart the dryer and reassembles it without directions
  • Those I know in their 20s eager, but unsure about life
  • God’s inspiration and pursuing love
  • The crazy vegetation in Southern Cal
  • People willingly forfeiting their protective armor
  • Those who understand that control is an illusion
  • My son’s gift to create new songs
  • The sweetness of old friends
  • Witnessing a child’s teetering romp and unabated exploration

What causes you to become curious like George?

© Copyright 2011 Moxie Me Institute, BE U LLC. All Rights Reserved

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? To publish this article in your ezine or website please include the following blurb: Kimber Britner is president of Moxie Me Institute, Author, Speaker, Professional Coach and Innovation Expert who' helps women maximize their expertise and get their gifts out into the world through one-on-one coaching, teleseminars, group coaching, events and powerful tools.  We invite you to join our community of heart-centered, spunky, women and get your moxie activated!

www.moxieme.com/ email:kimber@moxieme.com www.facebook.com/moxieme www.twitter.com/moxiemecoaching

Lane Change

Kimberism: The only risks that aren’t a little scary are the ones you’ve outgrown. Price Prichett Have you ever been heading down the road in one lane and suddenly the lane ends, while you are pushed into a new lane? Many people are experiencing this sort of shift in their lives right now.

Many are being pushed out of the comfortable lane they've occupied for some time, feeling awkward, uncertain and off their mark, while reeling in a sense of powerlessness.

Lane shifts can be sudden and dramatic. Back in the 80’s while driving on the 405 freeway in southern California I was actually pushed out of my lane and off the road by an out of control vehicle.

It's clear that sometimes sudden lane changes can be dangerous. When shifting lanes its important to be clear about the direction you are heading in, so you don't end up off the road, taking others with you.

Lane shifts can feel like the hours of labor before a birth, requiring a hefty dose of fortitude. Like in birth, you really don’t know what to expect until the delivery. You can’t see the child’s face, or experience its nature until you can actually grab a hold of it. The same is true while in route through life. You often don’t know what is down the road or around the corner until you get there.

Part of the reason these shifts can be difficult is because small vision needs to be expanded beyond the familiar. The old groove that's been worn in the path needs to be re-routed.

Like birthing a baby, this can’t be contrived. You have to give yourself to the process with plenty of letting go and breathing! Kids do this well. How often do children morph from one activity to the next without distress? We too can embrace the art of childlikeness, releasing our hold on the old and welcoming the new. 

Although I don’t exactly know what my new baby looks like, I am welcoming it instead of resisting it. I am slowing down to ease over into the new lane. I am reading the signs for new direction and I am enjoying the scenery along my route. How about you? Are you in the midst of a lane change?

© Copyright 2011 Moxie Me Institute, BE U LLC. All Rights Reserved

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? To publish this article in your ezine or website please include the following blurb: Kimber Britner is president of Moxie Me Institute, Author, Speaker, Professional Coach and Innovation Expert who' helps women maximize their expertise and get their gifts out into the world through one-on-one coaching, teleseminars, group coaching, events and powerful tools.  We invite you to join our community of heart-centered, spunky, women and get your moxie activated!

www.moxieme.com/ email:kimber@moxieme.com www.facebook.com/moxieme www.twitter.com/moxiemecoaching