I grew up with the understanding that you make your bed everyday. I was trained to pick up my clothes and keep my surroundings neat with the exception that I'm a piles, not a files kind of girl. I am by no means a perfect housekeeper. I’m not even a good housekeeper, but I do like the idea of order and organization.
For the first time in my life something happened. I stopped making my bed (unless company is coming over!) Instead of focusing on picking up on the outside, I’ve become more concerned with what’s going on internally. Instead of covering up my inner world with outer illusions, I am accepting my little disheveled messes, my piles of books plopped here and there and my outrageously messy studio disaster. Instead of driving myself with rules learned in my Southern upbringing, I am choosing to live differently. I’m continuing to get untamed. I'm jumping on my bed!
I’m letting go of, “I’d better act a certain way, or I might be scolded into behaving.” I’m letting the “good girl” go rogue and be a little bad. I am even removing the judgment around “good” verses “bad”, because it is what it is, not “good,” or “bad.”
This exercise is helping me further comprehend how completely loved I am. It matters little if I make the bed. It matters little if I keep a clean house, or wear the right clothes, or live in a way that is acceptable to the neighbors, the church, or the relatives. What matters is, that I love myself and realize I am fully free to do so. Love makes me free!
The good news is that my value and your value has already been established, by the fact that we exist and cannot be diminished based on our outer performance. We are wildly and completely loved. We don’t have to work at it. We only need to wake up to this reality. Can you hear the wake up call?
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