Beyond the Obvious

 

IMG_5429

There are big surprises wrapped up in joy, because carrying a joyful heart means you've chosen to see things differently. You've chosen to see beyond the obvious into another realm. In fact, in my assessment, realms of glory couldn't be incased in anything other that the Father's joy.  

Joy then is a kind of portal that awakens the hallowed within, allowing us to laugh when the world's dark prognosis is pronounced, because of a supernatural interpretation of God's unending goodness.  Some might think this is foolishness, but I rather think of it as other worldly.

It takes no special skill to be fearful, but being at peace and carrying joy takes a sight and perspective adjustment. It takes a faith that is divine rather than human. Our greatest defense is joy! But this is quite different that the insincere, inauthentic saccharin off-loading behavior Brenè Brown calls, The Umbridge. This nice southern, church going behavior, also exhibited in cultures other than the south, is often deflecting a greater truth. Brown writes about this behavior in, Rising Strong

"It's present when light and dark are not integrated at all. There's almost something foreboding about overly sweet and accommodating ways. All that niceness feels inauthentic and a little like a ticking bomb." Brown named The Umbridge after the J.K. Rowling character Dolores Umbridge in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix who wears sweet pink suits, cutesy pillbox hats and tortures children. Brown tells us that those that claim to never feel angry or upset, and are always positive, are often masking true pain and hurt. These are red flags.

It's taken me a darn long time to recognize that their is always more beyond the words that might appear lovely, but whose behavior defies it. There is always more beyond the obvious. Getting curious about our real emotion is where we reckon with it, rather than off-loading it. This is where we give ourselves permission to feel, get curious about what we are feeling and be uncomfortable with it until we see what it wants us to know.

A few years ago I awoke to the New Year hearing the word, Incongruent in my spirit. The next two years that followed introduced wave after wave of discovery, unearthing "good girl" behavior that greatly conflicted with what I knew to be true for myself. As if I was a bystander watching my behavior for the first time, I was astounded at the things I found myself doing and participating in that my heart was protesting against, but the disconnect and off-loading of emotion had allowed me to continually betray myself.

After the initial heartbreak of realizing how much I had dishonored my own wellbeing in rote, approval seeking behavior (definite joy robber) I began to experience absolute joy and bliss at the awakening and freedom of choosing how I would best care for myself.

Last night as I launched a new Rising StrongTM Group, as a certified facilitator of Brenè Brown's work, amazing women shared about present hardships and rough realities in their lives. I was struck by the fact that they had courageously chosen to show up, be seen and learn new ways of speaking about their emotions and pain, so that instead of coping they could learn to truly care for themselves. We each wrote permission slips that helped us begin the journey of defining for ourselves what we needed to feel safe and successful in the group and practicing wholeheartedness to move beyond the swampy ground known as the Delta to rise strong.

It's only when we get curious about our inner world, own our pain and darkness that we can truly and authentically experience joy.  Joy is not something we put on, but a deep living reality available when we choose to be courageous. The more we honestly acknowledge the truth about where we are and get curious in the discovery, we can return to joy.

There is much discovery hidden beyond the obvious. While many coaches focus on goal setting, every goal winds its way back to a deeper inner reality. Every disappointment, expectation, relationship difficulty, and career launch, though often seeming to be outer issues, interesting leads its way back to how we handle life and the illusive stuff beyond the obvious. 

Day 7 of 30 Paintings In 30 Days is entitled: Beyond the Obvious. To follow daily posts by artist around the world visit

 www.3opaintingsin30days.weebly.com . And come back for this months daily posts right here!

Lessons From Smackass Georgia

Abundance 1Unfortunately many of the lessons I’ve learned in life have come through hitting smack bottom on the rough edges of life. I imagine the city planning committee of Smackass Georgia must have had a similar revelation. No lie, it’s a real town! I’ve been there.

Recently an old friend made a comment that I should be a bitter women due to the losses I’ve experienced. I thought about it for a second, acknowledging that because of the grace of God, love and gratitude seem to have been the better choice, a choice resulting in a full and beautiful life.

Believe me it is daily choice to let the effects of life experiences mold us for the better, rather than letting bitterness and unforgiveness take us out at the knees. We all have the same challenge and opportunity, to release and let go, or savor and stew on difficulty.

I’ve found difficulty, although undesirable, the greatest teacher. Sometimes to know the value of something you have to experience the converse. I hope to never let a mistake or difficulty be wasted, so here’s a little Friday gratitude that I hope will encourage you.

Smackass Gift and Gratitude List

  • I’m grateful for learning to Love others through the gift of encountering indifference.
  • I’m grateful for learning to be loved through the gift of a hard heart receiving.
  • I’m grateful for learning the Value of friendship through the gift of isolation.
  • I’m grateful for learning Shame resilience through the gift of shame.
  • I’m grateful for learning Self-acceptance through the gift of rejection.
  • I’m grateful for learning Gratefulness through the gift of loss and despair.
  • I’m grateful for learning to Savor the Moment through the gift of disappointment.
  • I’m grateful for learning to see Hope and Possibility through the gift of barrenness.
  • I’m grateful for learning to Carry Sunshine in my heart through the gift of darkness.
  • I’m grateful for learning the need for others through the gift of failed perfectionism.
  • I’m grateful for learning to live through the gift of dying a thousand deaths.

 

Do you want more perspective shifting support? Order Untamed Heart, Releasing Your Creative Genius [product id="2047" sku=""] Get some heart shifting, perspective raising, life giving joy that will untamed your heart!

Also, join us for the Women's Daring Way™ Intensive, May 2nd and 3rd in the beautiful mountains of North Carolina. For more information find us at: www.daringlinlife.com

3 Easy Tips to Disengage Distractions

photo-6Nine-month-old Wyatt sat on my lap preening his neck one way and then the other to capture the colorful movement flashing on the TV screen in front of him and the reflection in the mirror behind him.

He seemed unclear where to devote his attention.  Sound familiar? Often there are so many colors flashing at us in life that it becomes difficult to know where to focus. We position our gaze on something, only to discover it’s merely a reflection and not what we thought it was at all.

How many dangling carrots have grabbed your attention, only to distract you from what you really wanted to focus on?

It is important to define the things that hold real value and meaning in our life. Many people think they know what matters the most to them, yet demonstrate the lack of clear parameters and boundaries to filter less important criteria.

That is why Clarification, Optimization and Activation are so important.

 

To disengage your distractions, reboot and refocus!

  • Clarify where you are currently.
  • Devote time to determine where you are going.
  • And define and create a plan to get there.

 

Otherwise you may continue to experience whiplash from the constant preening that derails your focus.